


Letters from a Soldier

by angelwingsandironrings



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Accidental Voyeurism, Alternate Universe, Angst with a Happy Ending, Army Dean, Car Accidents, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, First Time, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hospitalization, Letters, M/M, Modern Era, Nightmares, Soldier Dean, War Era, Worried Castiel, angsty, minor PTSD
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-12-02
Updated: 2015-03-30
Packaged: 2018-02-27 20:57:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 9
Words: 15,650
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2706503
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/angelwingsandironrings/pseuds/angelwingsandironrings
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean is fighting in the war in the Middle East, sending letters home to his family and friends to keep them updated on how he's doing. But the letters between himself and Castiel are what keep him going.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Family

**Author's Note:**

> This is very loosely based on the Dixie Chicks' song "Travelin' Soldier." I hear it at work all the time, and this little gem popped into my head. But I don't like sad endings, so unlike the song, there will be a happy ending. More tags and characters will be added as this progresses, and it will get it's official rating by the end.

Dean Winchester enlisted in the army on his 20th birthday. He wanted to make the world a better place, safer for his younger brother, Sam. Dean took care of his little brother after their parents died, with a little help from Bobby Singer, their father’s friend from the garage, where Dean had taken his father’s place. He was like another father to those boys and was beyond pissed when Dean told him.

“Are you trying to put me in an early grave, Dean?! There is a war going on, in case you hadn’t noticed, and you’ll be more than likely shipped overseas!”

“I know, Bobby, but this is something I have to do. You know me. I’m not book-smart like you or Sam. I dropped out of college after three semesters. So I might as well do something good for the world, right? You don’t need to worry about me. I’ll be fine, but I need you to look after Sam until I get back. I have my orders, and you’re all we have left, Bobby,” Dean pleaded. He needed Sam to be taken care. He had to make sure that someone would be there for him, no matter what, at least until he got back, or—God forbid—if something happened to him.

Bobby pulled Dean into a fierce hug, some of the bite leaving his tone. “Of course I’ll take care of him, ya idjit, and don’t you tell me not to worry about you. Your brother and you are the only family I have left too, ya know.” He pulled away from Dean to look him in the face, and let the anger seep out of his voice as he continued, “I’m proud of you. I may be a little mad right now, but I will never stop being proud of you for what you are about to do.” Bobby then let go of Dean completely when he heard Sam coming down the stairs. “You’ll need to explain this to him though,” he said as Sam came around the corner, in all of his awkward 16-year-old lankiness.

Dean knew Sam would take the news pretty hard. Sam had a little trouble after their parents died in a car accident four years ago, but he had worked through it, and was doing well at home and in school. Dean knew that if he left for a while, Sam would probably be just as furious as Bobby had.

Dean sighed and looked at Bobby. “Later.” Dean wasn’t ready to have this conversation with his little brother just yet.

“Okay, but don’t wait too long. He needs to know, Dean,” Bobby said sternly.

“Need to know what, Dean?” Sam asked as he joined the two men in the study where he found them.

“Nothing, Sammy. C’mon, why don’t you help me get dinner ready?” Dean replied changing the subject.

Things were tense between the brothers for the next few hours. Sam knew that Dean was hiding something from him, and Dean pretended steadfastly that there was nothing going on. Sam had tried to bring it up while they were making dinner, but Dean brushed him off. During dinner, Dean kept the subject on how Sam was doing in school. Sam noticed that Dean tried to not look at Bobby, or acknowledge the looks Bobby kept sending his way. Finally, Sam had enough, and shortly after everything from dinner was cleaned up and put away, he cornered Dean in the living room, where he found his brother channel surfing. “What aren’t you telling me, Dean?” Sam asked abruptly. Dean sighed when he looked up and saw the hurt look on his brother’s face. He muted the television, and then addressed his brother.

“Come sit, Sam, there is something I need to discuss with you.” Sam sat beside his brother on the couch with a concerned look on his face. Dean never kept things from him, so he didn’t know what to expect him to say. “Sam, you understand that there are things going on in the world, that there are problems in the Middle East right now, right?” Sam nodded his head in the affirmative, so Dean takes a breath and continues. “Sam, I’ve decided to join the army. Now before you say anything, let me explain.”

He could see his brother getting ready to interrupt him, so he silenced him first, and continued. “I know this is a little out of the blue for you, but I’ve been thinking about it for a couple of years. After Mom and Dad died, I found Dad’s old journal, and in some of the sections where he talks about remembering fighting in the Gulf War, I understood where he was coming from. He felt a duty to help others, to make the world a better place for us. I feel the same way, Sam. I need to be over there helping, to make the world a better place for you.”

Sam sat in silence for a moment, mentally digesting all of the information his brother had given to him. Dean could see the wheels in Sam’s head turning, so he let him process everything. After a few minutes, Sam finally spoke.

“I get it, Dean. It all makes sense to me. Am I happy about it? No, but I understand where you’re coming from. You’ve been standing up for me and trying to protect me my whole life. I’ll stand behind whatever decision you make, because you’re my brother, and we are all that we have left. But promise me that you’ll be careful. I can’t lose you like we lost Mom and Dad, Dean.” Sam stopped quickly. He tried to hold in the tears that were threatening to fall, but one slipped out anyway. When Dean saw his brother was trying not to cry, he grabbed him in a fierce hug. Sam let the tears fall when his brother couldn’t see his face anymore.

“It’s going to be okay, Sammy. I’m not going to leave you forever, just for a little while. Everything will be fine. I’ll make sure to write to you frequently, and I’ll be back before you know it.”

“You didn’t promise,” Sam pointed out while still holding onto his brother, the tears finally slowing down.

Dean let go of Sam so he could look at him when he said, “I promise you, Sam, I’ll be careful, and I’ll come home.”

With that, they let the subject drop for the time being. Bobby popped into the living room shortly after, sensing that the boys had worked through their issue. Dean turned the volume on the tv back on, and they watched in companionable silence for a couple of hours. Just before midnight, everybody decided they should head to bed, but no one really got any sleep that night.


	2. Castiel

Eight weeks later, Dean was packed and ready to head out to California to finish up some of his training. Things at home were still a little tense. Sam tried to act like he wasn’t bothered by the fact that his brother would be gone for an indeterminate amount of time soon. Bobby tried to keep busy and reassure Sam when he saw the younger boy look close to a breakdown. Dean made sure to show his brother how much he cared about how this was affecting him, while trying to prove to Bobby that everything would be alright.

He hadn’t told too many people what he was doing until just before he left. His surrogate aunt, Ellen Harvelle, had a similar reaction to Bobby. She had yelled, slapped him upside the head, then hugged him tightly while telling him he better come back home alive. Her daughter Jo, a close friend to the Winchester boys, had cried when she found out, but promised to send care packages and check in on Sam and Bobby regularly.

Then there was Castiel Novak, a close friend through most of high school. Castiel, or Cas as Dean called him, had come to the school shortly after Dean’s parents died. He had moved out to live with his older brother, Gabriel. Cas had walked into the school one day carrying several books and wearing a shy smile. He had bumped into Dean on accident near his locker and apologized profusely.

“It’s no problem,” Dean smiled kindly. “I’m Dean Winchester, by the way. You must be new here. Can I help with some of your books?”

“Thank you, Dean, that would be much appreciated. My name is Castiel Novak,” he returned Dean’s smile. One look at that smile, and Dean knew he was hooked. He had walked Cas to class that day, talking about how Cas was dealing with a new town, and they’d become close friends quickly thereafter. He was the only one Dean could talk to about his parents, or his fears about making sure Sam was taken care of. Likewise, Cas could tell Dean about how even though he sometimes missed his parents, life with Gabriel was easier. He and his brother got along, and they looked out for each other, much like Sam and Dean.

Cas spent most nights studying at Bobby’s with Dean. Bobby had even started treating Cas like one of his own when he had overheard the boys talking about Cas staying with his brother. When Cas got a job at the local coffee shop, Dean was there at least three days a week so they could talk and study on his breaks. Cas would only take his car into the garage where Dean worked whenever he was having an issue with it. They were ingrained in each other’s lives.

In all honesty, Dean was in love. He’d developed a crush on Cas pretty quickly, and the more he got to know him, Dean realized it wasn’t a school-girl crush, it was love. But Cas was a good friend, so he never said anything…yet.

He had decided he wasn’t going to tell Cas about the army and him leaving until the eleventh hour. It was a Saturday, the day he was leaving for California, so he knew Cas would be working at the coffee shop today, rather than at the community college where Cas was taking classes. He walked into the small space where his army uniform. He spotted Cas with his back to him, and waited patiently while one of his co-workers tried to get his attention. When Cas turned around and saw Dean, his always-present shy smile turned into a confused frown.

“Dean, what’s going on?” he asked as he made his way over to his friend.

“Hey Cas. Would you mind sitting down for a while? I have some things I have to tell you.”

“I’m off in a few, and I know where we can go,” Cas replied with worried look on his face. He went back behind the counter and asked his co-worker if he could leave a few minutes early. When she practically pushed him out the door, he grabbed his things and motioned for Dean to follow.

They ended up at the park just across the street from the coffee shop. It was sunny, so they decided to sit on a bench overlooking the small lake. Dean stared out at the lake, while Cas stared at Dean with a look of worry and confusion. Finally, the silence became too much for him, and he asked, “Dean, is everything alright?”

Dean took a deep breath, rubbed his hands over his face, and then looked at Cas before speaking. “We’ve been friends for a long time, Cas. You’re my best friend, so I didn’t want to tell you before, because I didn’t want to make you worry. But I’m leaving in a couple of hours, and you should know that I joined the army, and I’m heading to Fort Irwin in California to finish my training before I’m sent overseas. I want to ask if you would check in on Sam and Bobby while I’m gone, so they can have some sense of normalcy.”

Dean took a breath and looked away to prepare himself for what he needed to say next. He’d been preparing to tell Cas this for weeks and figured now was a good a time as any. “Cas, there’s one more thing I need to tell you. You don’t have to say anything, but I need to tell you that I’m in love with you. I have been for years, and—“

Cas silenced him by grabbing his face and pressing their lips together. He kissed Dean fiercely, like he was afraid this would be the first and last time. When he broke away, he kept his hands on Dean’s face and pressed their foreheads together. He surprised Dean with his next words.

“I’ve been in love with you too, Dean, for so long.” Cas pressed another chaste kiss to Dean’s lips before pulling away completely. He took in a deep breath before asking, “Why did you wait to tell me until now, before you have to leave?”

Dean, still a little stunned by what had just happened, replied with, “I don’t know what’s going to happen when I get over there. But I didn’t want to leave without you knowing how I felt. Ya know, just in case.”

Cas couldn’t believe it. He’d waited so long to tell Dean how he felt, for Dean to feel the same way, and now he was leaving. A spark of worry and hurt ignited in his chest, and he reached for Dean’s hand that was resting on his knee. Dean smiled at Cas and turned his hand to intertwine their fingers.

“Look Cas, I don’t have to leave for the airport for a couple of hours. Why don’t we take a walk or something, maybe go eat something.” Dean went to stand, and when Cas tried to pull his hand away, Dean held it tighter and gave him a shy smile. They walked hand-in-hand around the park a few times, Cas asking about the army, Dean asking how school was going. They eventually make their way over to a local diner, Dean’s favorite place, and order lunch.

“Are you going home before you go to the airport to say goodbye?” Cas asks when their food finally arrives.

“No, I did that this morning. It’ll make it worse if I go back. Sam tried not to cry when I was leaving, but I could see, and I don’t want to do that to him again. He and Bobby will be okay in a few days,” Dean replied then took a bite of his burger.

“They won’t, Dean, none of us will be okay until you’re home again. We all love you and don’t want to see you get hurt.” Cas started to get a little worked up. He tried to hold in the tears that were threatening to fall, but one slipped out, and he rubbed at his face quickly to hide it.

Dean saw it though. He got up from his side of the booth and sat down next to Cas. He put an arm around him and quietly said, “It’s okay, Cas. I’m going to be okay.” He kissed Cas’ temple and moved back over to his side.

“Can I drive you to the airport?” Cas asked a few minutes later, after he’d collected himself.

“Sure,” Dean replied with a small smile. They finished their meal discussing Cas’ job, and other small things to keep Dean’s mind off of leaving everyone behind. When they were leaving the diner to go back to Cas’ car, Dean grabbed Cas’ hand. Cas didn’t react this time, just looked over and smiled at Dean.

In the car on the way to the airport, they talked about the music Dean was listening to and the books Cas was reading. But Cas could feel tension rolling off of Dean, getting thicker the closer they got. When Cas finally pulled up to the departure deck, he put the car in park and sighed. He wasn’t ready to let Dean go yet, not after that afternoon.

Dean cleared his throat, and Cas looked over to see Dean staring at him. When Cas finally met Dean’s eyes, Dean grabbed one of Cas’ hands off the steering wheel and entwined their fingers. Then Dean leaned forward and placed his free hand on the back of Cas’ neck and pulled him closer. Dean’s eyes bounced from Cas’ eyes to his lips and back again. He closed the space between them and sealed his lips to Cas’. He poured all the love and fear he wasn’t going to tell Cas about into the kiss. When he pulled back a moment later, he kept his hand on the back of Cas’ neck and left barely an inch between them.

“I’m not going to let this go, Cas. I’m gonna come home to you and Sam, I promise. But I don’t want us to be just friends when I get back, so will you wait for me?”

Cas smiled at Dean’s question then answered, “Of course, Dean.”

“Good. Would you mind if I sent letters back here to you?”

“I would be glad to get letters from you. And I promise to write you back, so long as you remember to keep your promise and come home.”

“I think I can do that,” Dean said before he leaned in and kissed Cas again. He kissed him like he was memorizing how Cas felt and tasted. He knew it would be a while before he got to do this again. He pulled away after a moment, knowing he had to leave for his place. He moved to get out of the car, but before he stepped out, he turned and looked at Cas to say, “I love you, Cas. I’ll talk to you soon.”

“I love you too, Dean. Have a safe trip.” With that, Dean got out of the car and left Cas to deal with the bombshell of a day he’d just had. He watched Dean walk into the terminal, but just before he crossed the threshold, he turned and waved goodbye to Cas. Cas returned it with a sad smile. When Dean turned and went through the doors, Cas let his head fall to rest on the steering wheel. With tears slowly running down his cheek, he whispered, “Please come back to me.”


	3. Keep Going

The letters started coming from the army fort in California. They arrived on a Monday morning. The first one was addressed to Sam and Bobby. In it, Dean explained how he was settling in, what he liked about the area, and the people he met. He asked them to keep an eye on each other, for Bobby to drive him Impala at least twice a week, and for Sam to keep up the good work in school. He told them he’d be in California for a few more weeks, then he would be moved, but he wasn’t sure exactly where yet. He told them not to worry about responding to the letter, since he’d send them another to let them know where he was going in a week or so. Then he signed the letter, “Be good. I’ll talk to you soon. Dean.”

The second letter was addressed to Cas. Dean wanted to update him on things, much like how he wanted to keep Sam and Bobby up to date. Cas received a similar letter to the one Sam and Bobby got. However, Dean asked Cas to check up on his family, and to make sure they were doing alright.

Unlike the letter his family got though, he told Cas some of the things that worried him. He explained how he feared that he would let Sam and Bobby down, his fear of flying all over the place, and how he was worried he might not fit in with the guys he’d be in close quarters with. He wrote, “Yeah, it’s 2014 and people are more accepting, but what if someone has a problem with me being gay? Just something I hadn’t really considered before, I guess.” But in true Dean Winchester fashion, he told Cas he would shrug it off. Dean also told him of all the places he would have liked to take him, had the circumstances been different.

“Las Vegas is only a few hours away, and there are a few national parks in the area I think you’d like. The beach isn’t that far away either. The water is an interesting blueish-green, nothing like Clear Lake back home in South Dakota. There’s even a little zoo in Santa Barbara with a few animals I’ve never even seen before. I tell ya Cas, if we were here in California for something else, I would show you all of it.”

Dean finished his letter by telling Cas how much he missed just studying at home or talking at the café about stupid stuff with him, and honestly, how much he missed his own bed. He signed the letter, similar to Sam and Bobby’s, “Talk to you soon. Yours, Dean.”

\-----------------

Later that week, keeping his promise to Dean, Castiel went over to Bobby’s house. He’d called two days prior and talked to Sam, who’d answered the phone with a cheery, “Hey Cas!”

“Hello Sam. I was wondering if you and Bobby had plans Friday night. I was thinking about making you two dinner, if that would be alright?”

“Sure Cas, I think that’s a great idea! Bobby probably won’t be home until later, though. He has a project at the garage he’s been working on the last week or so, but I’m sure he’d appreciate dinner being ready. I know it’s been a while since you’ve been here, and he’s been asking when you might come by.”

“Then I guess this is a good week. Is five an okay time to be there to start dinner?”

“Five is great Cas. I’ll see you Friday!”

“See you Friday, Sam,” Cas ended with a smile. It had been a while since he’d been over at Bobby’s house.

The Singer/Winchester household had been like a second home to him when he’ arrived in Sioux Falls, South Dakota. Dean had invited him over for a study session two days after they met, and Bobby pretty much accepted him into the family right away. He’d even let Castiel cook dinner a few times a month, which he greatly appreciated, since Gabe cooked at home.

When Friday night rolled around, Cas raced over to his second family’s home. He hadn’t been able to cook them dinner since before Dean left, and he was excited he’d get to that evening. As he pulled up to the house, he noticed Dean’s Impala tucked away by the side of the house, and he couldn’t help the sad smile that appeared as he parked his car behind Bobby’s truck.

He got out and walked up to the door but before he got a chance to knock, it swung wide open, and he quickly had an armful of the younger Winchester brother. He chuckled and hugged him back as he said, “Hello Sam.”

Sam squeezed Cas once then let go and headed for the house. “Come in Cas. We were glad you wanted to come over.” Sam stopped just inside the door and turned to look at Cas before he continued. “Look, I know Dean didn’t really give you a lot of heads-up about his decision to join the army, but you’re still family to us, so please don’t think that just because Dean isn’t here, you can’t visit more.”

Cas smiled at Sam. “I’ll remember that. C’mon, let’s get inside, and I’ll get dinner started.”

Sam smiled back at Cas and continued walking into the house. As soon as they made it to the kitchen, Castiel started moving around like he’d never left. He obviously felt comfortable in his environment. Sam sat at the table and looked through his notebook from earlier that day. After a few minutes of hearing Cas opening and closing cupboards, Bobby walked out of his study and into the kitchen to join the boys. He patted Cas on the back with a gruff “Hey Cas,” then sat down at the table across from Sam. After a moment of watching Cas around the kitchen and Sam studying, Bobby cleared his throat and said, “So Cas, how have things been with you? We haven’t seen you here in a few weeks.”

“Things are good Bobby. Thank you for asking. Classes are starting to slow down at school, but they’ll pick up in a couple of weeks when finals get near. I’m trying to pick up extra shifts at work until then. It’s just nice to stay busy and keep my mind occupied, ya know?” Cas explained as he cut up some tomatoes for the spaghetti sauce. He wanted to make Sam’s favorite: spaghetti with homemade sauce and turkey meatballs, garlic bread with actual garlic pieces, and a tomato salad with fresh mozzarella. While Cas had always had feelings for Dean, Sam was like another brother to him. Sam always appreciated when Cas went all out for dinner.

“I thought you had a project at the garage, Bobby. How’d that go?” Cas asked after realizing he had forgotten about what Sam mentioned a few days earlier.

“I finished it yesterday, thankfully. I thought it was going to take a couple of weeks at first, since I’m down a mechanic, ya know, since he decided to join the army and all. I figured it wouldn’t take as long as I originally thought once I really took a good look at the engine though.”

“That’s good,” Cas smiled over at Bobby then looked at Sam and asked, “How’s school Sam?”

“It’s okay, I guess,” Sam said while doodling on a page in his notebook, not looking at Cas or Bobby. When Cas realized that was all he was getting from Sam, he looked to Bobby, who wore a confused expression on his face.

“What’s eatin’ at ya, kid? You usually have more to say when it comes to school,” the older man asked as Cas made his way over to sit at the table between the two.

“It’s nothing.” Sam still refused to look up.

“It doesn’t seem like nothing, Sam. You know you can talk to us,” Cas tried. After a couple of moments, Sam sighed and finally looked up from his drawing at the two sitting at the table.

“It’s nothing, I’m sure, but people have been acting odd around me and looking at me differently lately, since Dean left,” Sam explained.

Cas and Bobby shared a look before focusing back on Sam. Bobby was the first to speak up. “Sam, I know things haven’t been the same ‘round here since your brother left, and people probably just don’t know how to act around you yet. The next couple of months will probably be hard, but we will get past the initial bump, and things will get easier. Dean is keeping us updated, so we don’t need to worry right now, okay?”

“Yeah, I guess you’re right, Bobby.”

“And I’m always available to talk, Sam. I worry about him too, as I’m sure Bobby does as well, but family is there for each other. And I promise I’ll come around more often. I miss you guys anyway,” Cas added with a smile.

“Okay, yeah, you guys are right. Dean’s holding up his end of the deal, so I guess we should too. Life has to keep moving for now,” Sam said with finality.

“Good, now I’m going to finish dinner, and you can fill me in on your classes,” Cas said as he stood up and headed towards the counter.

The three spent the rest of the evening as a family, laughing and talking about nothing in particular. They kept the mood light, not once mentioning how every one of them couldn’t keep their minds off the fact that Dean was missing from the evening.

\----------------

One week later, they all got a letter from Dean similar to the first. The biggest difference with the new one was the ending:  
“Just a head’s up, but I got my orders, and I thought you might want to know that I’m headed over to Iraq next week. Talk to you soon. Dean.”


	4. Letters During War

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry that this took so long! Thank you to those who keep coming back to read and for the kudos, they make me very happy :)  
> Just a little note, some of the military jargin will probably be inaccurate. I did try, but I think there were a few things that slipped through the cracks.  
> There are a couple of lines in Cas' letter that come from a song called "Letters from Home" by John Michael Montgomery. For those of you who have read the first chapter, but may have forgotten, this fic was inspired by "Travelin' Soldier" by the Dixie Chicks.  
> I have also updated some tags, characters, and the rating (though, as said before, the final rating will be updated at the end).

“Hey Winchester, you joinin’ us for a game or what?” Dean heard someone call out to him. He looked up from under the hood of a truck to see Cole Trenton, a fellow soldier from his company, holding a basketball on his hip and a smirk on his face.

They had arrived in Iraq two months prior, settling into the area as easily as they could under the circumstances. Dean had figured out pretty quickly that most of his worries about fitting in and being accepted were all for nothing. Everyone seemed to understand that they would be together in small spaces for a while, so they tried to make sure that if there was a problem, they dealt with it quickly and civilly. While Dean didn’t have any issues with anyone, he felt most comfortable around the trucks the most, diving under their hoods whenever he got a chance. Cole made sure to bring him into a game whenever he’d been under a hood or truck too long. Dean appreciated him for it.

“Yeah, sure, I’ll be over in a minute!” Dean yelled from under the hood. He tweaked a loose screw then closed the hood. He cleaned his hands off on a rag close by, and joined the game a moment later, shouting to Cole, “I’m gonna kick your ass this time Trenton!”

Forty-five minutes later, and a tied score, the men heard a familiar voice calling to them. “Alright everyone, into the mess hall. We’ve got an update,” their 1st Sergeant, Benny Lafitte, called out to them.

Benny may have been the highest ranking officer in the company, but he was one of the most personable officers Dean had met so far. He had welcomed everyone with open arms and was one of the reasons everyone got along so well. If anyone had a problem, Benny was easy to approach and listened like everyone was a part of his family, because in a way, they were. Dean figured it was part of his Southern upbringing, his Louisiana accent giving away his heritage. Communication worked both ways for Benny too. He made sure to listen to his men and women, and in turn, made it a point to update the company on every piece of intel he received.

The guys from the game made their way into the hall from the court and sat down with the rest of the seventy-five person company. Benny made his way towards the front and waited for everyone to quiet down before he spoke.

“Alright, I know everyone’s anxious to know what’s going on. It’s been quiet around here for a while, but things are getting ready to pick up. We’ve got a mission. It’ll be dangerous and we’ll only need a small group of volunteers, maybe between five and ten, so listen up before you make any commitments. This is a rescue mission. A couple of architects from the United States and London who were here trying to help rebuild, were kidnapped by some members of Al Qaeda a few days ago. They’re in the middle of a hot zone, hence the danger. We need to form a small squad that is able to go behind enemy lines and rescue the civilians, with as few casualties as possible. If you so choose to join me, you will be briefed further.”

Benny released the men to continue on with their days. Dean stood up and made his way over to Benny. “Sir? I would like to volunteer for the mission,” Dean explained when Benny looked up at him. Benny smiled at him.

“I figured you’d be one of the first to join. Don’t know why, but I just knew,” Benny responded with a chuckle. He continued, “I’ll brief you further when we have a few more volunteers. Until then,” he paused as he handed Dean two envelopes, “you’ve got mail.”

“Thank you, Sir. Please let me know when you’re ready to brief me,” Dean replied, and then headed back to the barracks to read the letters. Based on the handwriting, he’d received one from Sam and one from Cas. He opened the letter from his brother first.

_Heya Dean! Glad to hear you’re settling into the camp so well. Ellen was worried you’d spend all your time fixing the trucks and complaining about the heat. Don’t worry, I told her that’s exactly how you spent all your time, because I’m a helpful younger brother like that. Benny sounds like a pretty neat guy. Maybe we can all meet him some day, Bobby and me at least._

_Ellen and Jo send their love. They’ve started to collect some extra money at The Roadhouse recently to donate to a charity for vets with PTSD. They didn’t want me to tell you, but I thought you’d like to know. Jo said they play your favorite Led Zeppelin song every night at nine to give themselves a good laugh. She says she thinks about that time you did “Ramble On” for karaoke when she hears it, and that’s why they play it._

_Bobby said to send his love. Not in so many words, because come on, it’s Bobby. But he makes sure to drive the impala at least twice a week still. He’s been staying busy at the garage with odd jobs. He takes Cas and me out for burgers every time he finishes a major project._

_Which reminds me. Cas has been keeping an eye on Bobby and me. He’s over here at least once a week since he got done with the spring quarter. He’s been helping with school since we’re getting close to the end and finals are coming up. I’m a little nervous, but Cas is sure I have it in the bag. I’ll keep you posted on how they go._

_I hope everything is okay with you. The news seems to be reporting on a lot of stuff going on in the Middle East right now, or at least that’s how it feels. Bobby keeps telling me that you’re fine, but he gets a weird, nervous look every once in a while when he thinks I’m not looking. So please be careful and stay safe. We hope to hear from you soon. Sam._

Dean folded the letter back up and sat it down beside him. He could tell that Sam was worried, based on that last paragraph, even if Bobby tried to reassure him. The man could only do so much when he was worried himself. He made a mental note to try to reassure his brother about his upcoming mission, without alluding to how dangerous it could potentially be. He was surprised to feel as happy as he did that Cas was spending so much time helping Sam out with school. It was nothing new, Cas used to help Sam out all the time. But since that day at the park, when he’d learned how Cas felt, he’d been thinking of him as family, which Dean felt was a little odd, because the two still had a long way to go first. Still, it made him smile thinking about all of his family under one roof every week.

Dean remembered that he also had a letter from Cas. He decided to wait on writing back to Sam until after he knew more about his new mission, to keep him in the loop about whatever was going on. He opened Cas’ letter and read it, while completely oblivious to the soldiers going in and out of the barracks.

_Hey Dean. It’s almost dawn and I’ve just been lying awake all night long. I can’t seem to fall asleep. There were some stories on the news these last couple of nights, so I haven’t been sleeping well, but I’ll be alright. I’m just missing you and worrying about if you’re okay or not. You know me._

_I hope everything is well with you, or at least as much as it can be. Things here have been slow, what with school being done for the summer. Not as many people stop by the café, so I’m left with my thoughts too often. Sam stops by at least once a week though, when he knows I work a later shift, so I can help him with his homework. Between you and me, I don’t think he needs my help, he just doesn’t realize how smart he is. But I like the company._

_Gabriel would like me to tell you he sends his best wishes. He’s been looking at me differently these last could of months, but only when he thinks I’m not paying him any attention, whenever we watch the news or talk about you. I’m starting to hate that look._

_I had a dream about you the other night. It was almost like a memory. Almost. We were sitting at your dining room table studying for something, just like we used to after school. The only difference was that you kept holding my hand. It was a good dream._

Dean took a breath before he read the last line of the letter. Cas always signed them the same way. Dean always had to steal himself first.

_Please come home to me safely. Love, Cas._

An ache settled in his chest. As much as he missed his friends and family, Cas was something else. Reading his letters always made Dean happy and sad at the same time.

He was interrupted when a voice called to him. “Winchester, Lafitte wants to see you in his quarters. Walk with me,” Cole called from a few feet down.

“Sure, give me a second and I’ll meet you outside,” he responded. He tucked the letters away for the time being. He would look at them again before writing back.

An hour later, Dean returned to his bunk with the knowledge of the mission and a heavy weight on his mind. The rescue mission would take place in four days, giving the team enough time to pack up what they might need. He learned that not only was it going to be himself and Benny, but Cole would also be going along, as well as Ash, or “Dr. Badass” as he liked to be known as, who would be their tech specialist, Dorothy, who would do risk assessment, and Garth who, along with Cole and Dean, would be a part of rescuing the civilians, with Benny taking lead. To Dean, it was the perfect team, and he trusted each member with his life. The only thing he didn’t like, since the mission was technically classified, he wasn’t allowed to tell his friends and family. Since they would be leaving in a few days, Dean sat down to write a letter to Cas before dinner.

_Hey Cas. I got your letter today. You don’t have to worry about those news stories. I’m perfectly fine. I fixed one of the trucks this morning. Felt like I was back at the garage. I’m glad you and Sammy are taking care of each other. I know he and Bobby like having you around._

_I’ll be honest with you. There are days when the patrols have been pretty shaky. We can sometimes hear gunfire and what sounds like canons going off only a couple of miles away. Sometimes we can even see the flashes at night. But when it’s getting rough over here, I think of that day in the park. I close my eyes and see your smile. I remember what it felt like when you kissed me. I think of that moment a lot._

_Look, I’m sorry this is so short, but there is something I need to tell you. I can’t go in to details, because it’s supposed to be classified, but I’ll be leaving the camp in a few days and I don’t know when I’ll be back. So don’t worry, but I won’t be able to write for a while._

Dean took a second to breathe before he finished his letter. Cas always had a specific sign-off, and Dean always responded to it.

_I’ll come home to you soon. Love, Dean._

He folded the letter up and got it ready for the mail. Cas would most likely get it after Dean left, but he was okay with that. He couldn’t tell him where he’d be exactly, so it would have to do. He would let Sam and Bobby know he’d be gone too, but it could wait until after dinner. He put the letter with his things and left the barracks.

\--------------

A week later, Cas was sitting on his couch re-reading the letter from Dean for the third time in the last twenty-four hours. While Dean had told him not to worry, that was all he could do. He’d been worrying about Dean since he dropped him off at the airport. Knowing he wouldn’t hear from Dean for a while just amped up that anxiety.

Cas jumped when his home phone rang. He got up and jogged into the kitchen to answer before it went to voicemail. “Hello?” he answered.

“Cassie, are you sitting down?” his brother Gabriel was on the other line. His voice was not its usual joking tone.

“No, should I be?” Cas asked in confusion.

“Castiel, you need to sit,” his brother’s voiced became even more serious, using Castiel’s full name, something he rarely did, and Cas started to worry.

“Gabe, you’re scaring me. What’s going on?”

“I just got a call from Bobby Singer. He and Sam have been informed about an accident that Dean was involved in. He is on his way to a hospital in Germany, but you should turn on the news. I’m already almost home.”

The moment Cas heard “accident” and “Dean,” he’d jumped into the living room looking for the remote to turn to a news channel. Sure enough, one of the top stories was an accident involving six United States army members, who’d been attempting a rescue mission when they were ambushed, and two civilians. Their humvee had hit an IED and it had flipped over. The news didn’t say anything about casualties at the moment.

“Gabe…” Cas whispered into the receiver, holding the phone tightly, “get home quickly.” He hung up. Cas sat down on the couch with the phone pressed to his chest and one hand covering his mouth, his eyes glued to the television.

There was footage of the explosion from what looked like surveillance footage replaying over and over. To Cas, it looked like the front driver’s side tire rolled over the IED at just the right angle. When it went off, a huge ball of fire caused it the car to flip over onto its side, but the shockwave sent it rolling over and over, crushing the roof of the truck, until it finally landed back on its tires, or at least what was left of three. The outside of the humvee was burned and there were large dents all over. A small fire had started near the engine. The footage replayed, not showing whether or not the passengers made it out.

The names of the civilians and the six soldiers scrolled across the bottom of the screen. When he read Dean’s name for a third time, he broke down. Gabe found him ten minutes later, curled in on himself, sobbing into a pillow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for leaving off the way I did! I promise, this is where the similarities between the song and fic end. Dean does not die, I promise you that. I've already started on the next chapter, so hopefully I'll have it up sooner than it took to post this one.  
> Please feel free to leave comments to let me know what you think. :)


	5. Running on Empty

Sam sat on the couch between Cas and Gabriel. Everyone had arrived the day after he’d gotten the call about Dean. Ellen and Jo were cooking something in the kitchen. Bobby was in his study making phone calls, trying to get information about where Dean was and his condition. Cas and Gabriel had arrived about an hour after the Harvelles. Gabriel had put some ice cream in the freezer, and Cas had sat down next to Sam. Gabriel joined them a couple moments later, and the three hadn’t said anything since.

Sam sat there with his arms wrapped around the pillow he hugged to himself tightly, staring at the wall across from them. He was trying to hold it together, because that’s what he felt Dean needed at the moment: for Sam to be focused. He glanced at Cas out of the corner of his eye. He was sitting in a similar manner as Sam, but he rested his elbows on his knees and his chin on his fists. He also looked as though he was trying not to cry.

“Damnit!” they all heard Bobby swear from his study. Sam and Cas looked up with confused expressions on their faces, as Ellen and Jo came out of the kitchen to join everyone else.

“What’s wrong, Bobby?” Sam managed to ask, though his voice sounded hoarse from how hard he’d been crying the night before.

Bobby walked into the living room with a scowl on his face. Sam thought he looked tired. “They can’t give me any information right now. I’m getting the run-around and it’s pissing me off,” Bobby said as he sat down in a chair across from the couch.

“So what does that mean at the moment?” Cas asked. It was the first thing he’d said since the brothers arrived.

“It means that we don’ have any answers right now, and I can’t try back for a couple of hours,” Bobby replied.

Sam felt like he was going to puke. His brother was God-knows-where in any kind of condition, and no one was giving them any answers. He was starting to panic. He started to hyperventilate. “Sam? What’s happening? Are you okay?” Cas was asking when he heard Sam’s harsh breathing.

Gabriel, always the clear-headed one in situations like this, much to most people’s surprise given his trickster personality, grabbed the pillow from Sam’s hands and gently nudged him forward so that his head was between his knees. He looked to Bobby, who wore a panicked expression on his face, and asked, “Can you grab him a glass of water, please?” Bobby rushed into the kitchen, while Gabriel dropped to his knees, moving the coffee table in the process, place a hand on Sam’s knee for comfort, and started telling him that he needed to breathe and to try to relax. Cas rubbed circles into Sam’s back, trying to relax the teen, like Gabriel had done to him anytime he’d had a panic attack as a child.

“It’s okay, Sam, everything is going to be okay. I just need you to breathe and try to relax. That’s it, just take a deep breath,” Gabriel was speaking softly. A moment later, Bobby brought out a glass of water and set it on the table behind Gabriel.

Sam started to feel his breathing even out, so he sat up a little bit then leaned over to give Cas a hug. Cas was surprised, but reciprocated, still rubbing circles in Sam’s back. “What if it isn’t okay? What if something has happened and we don’t know?” Sam asked into Cas’ shoulder, tears starting to slide down his face. He was a little disappointed in himself for crying, but it was also making him feel better.

“I’m so sorry, Sam. We just have to keep waiting for now, but I’m sure we’ll know something soon,” Cas tried to soothe him. “Why don’t you drink some water? It might help you feel a little better.”

“Yeah, okay,” Sam said as he finally pulled away from Cas, who continued to rub soothing circles into Sam’s back. After a few sips of water, Sam finally calmed down enough to rest back against the couch. Ellen and Jo moved back into the kitchen after Bobby refilled Sam’s water.

Gabriel stood up and looked to Cas with a nod in the direction of Bobby’s study and asked, “Hey Bobby, mind if we borrow you for a second?” He then looked to Sam and said, “We’ll be back in just a moment.”

\-----------

Cas followed behind Bobby and his brother into the study, and then closed the door behind himself.

“Bobby, I don’t mean to step on any toes here, but would you mind if I tried making a few phone calls? I know some people from school who are working for the DOD these days, and I might be able to pull a few strings,” Gabriel said to the older man.

Bobby had a look on his face that said he was surprised and pleased at the same time. “Sure, Gabriel, I’d really appreciate all the help I can get.”

“Good, then why don’t you go take a nap? You look like you could use it,” Cas chimed in.

“Excellent idea, little brother,” Gabe smiled at Cas.

“You sure you guys’ll be alright? I can wait, ya know,” Bobby supplied, wanting to be sure.

“Don’t worry, I’ll keep an eye on Sam while Ellen and Jo fix dinner. Gabriel will probably be busy for the next hour making calls. But I promise, if we find anything out, I’ll come get you,” Cas said giving the run-down.

“Sounds good to me. Gabriel, you can use the phones in here,” Bobby said as he started for the door. Cas followed him out into the living room where he heard Bobby tell Sam what Gabe was doing and how he was going to try to get some sleep. When Bobby headed up the stairs, Cas joined Sam on the couch again.

“That’s very nice of Gabriel to help out like that,” Sam said quietly to Castiel.

Cas looked at Sam with a faint smile and replied, “He’s just glad he can help. Dean is family.”

Sam regarded Cas for a moment, then said, much to Cas’ shock, “You love Dean, don’t you?”

Cas’ eyes went wide, and he felt his face flush. He tried to brush it off, because he didn’t know if Dean would want Sam to know, but in the end, he settled on honesty. “Yes, Sam, I love your brother very much. I have for some time. And by some miracle, he loves me too.”

Cas tried not to meet Sam’s eyes for fear of what he’d find there. Sam surprised him again with a simple sentence: “I’m glad, because I think you two will be good together.”

Cas looked up and saw a small smile on Sam’s face and smiled back. He was beyond ecstatic to hear that Sam approved. It didn’t seem like a high priority at the moment, but he felt a small weight lift off his shoulders.

\--------------

In the next room over, Gabriel finally got in touch with an old friend and explained the situation. “Thanks for taking my call, Balthazar. I’m looking for information on Private Dean Winchester, of the army. He was in the car bombing two days ago that’s all over the news. I wouldn’t normally do this, but the only living blood-relative is his younger brother, who is scared about what may have happened to him after the initial call yesterday. Do you think you can pull some strings and get me some info?”

There was a pause on the other line, and then a faint sigh. “I wouldn’t normally do something like this, but since you asked nicely, and there’s an orphan involved, I’ll see what I can dig up. Damn you, you bastard for knowing my weak spot for sad stories. I’ll get back to you when I know something,” Balthazar replied.

“Thanks man, you’re a life saver. I owe you a bottle of scotch,” Gabriel chuckled. The two said their good-byes after Gabriel gave the info on where he could be reached. Not wanting to sit around doing nothing, Gabriel made some other phone calls to hospitals Bobby had tried and some other DOD members, trying to put his feelers out.

An hour and a half later, Gabriel was rubbing his temples, ready to leave the study for a few minutes when the phone rang.  
“Singer residence, this is Gabriel,” he answered.

“Gabriel, it’s Balthazar. I’ve got some information for you on Private Winchester. The good news is, he’s being treated in the medical facility in Landstuhl, Germany—“

“That’s great! At least we know he’s there officially now,” Gabriel interrupted.

“Yes, well, here’s the thing: He’s getting a high quality of treatment, but the bad news is, right now, he’s in a medically-induced coma.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry to leave it there, but don't worry, all will be well!  
> Just in case you were wondering, the DOD is the Department of Defense. :)  
> Also, Landstuhl, Germany is the area that military members are taken to when they are hurt and treated, before they return home. It is a very nice medical facility.


	6. Good News

Dean blinked his eyes open slowly. He could hear a faint beeping somewhere behind him, and his eyelids felt heavy, like he’d been asleep for a year. When he finally opened his eyes all the way and took in his surroundings, he noticed he was in what looked like a hospital room, alone.

He tried to sit up, but his body felt heavy and his shoulders hurt. He could feel the IV in his arm tug when he tried to move it. After a few minutes of trying to move and being frustrated by how heavy his body felt, he gave up and looked for a remote near the bed. When he found it, he pressed the “call” button.

Another minute passed when a nurse finally walked through the door. When she saw that he was awake, she smiled while walking over to his bed and said, “Ah, Private Winchester, you’re awake. How do you feel?”

“Sore and tired. What happened?”

She looked over his vitals, and then looked at him. “You don’t remember?”

“I remember being on the way back to the base, the explosion, someone yelling my name, and then everything went black. Wait, where is everyone else? Are they all okay?” Dean started to worry. He woke up alone, and there were no other patients in the room.

“Private Winchester—, “ she was interrupted.

“Dean, please call me Dean,” he said.

She smiled as she tried to calm him down, “Alright Dean, you’re in a medical facility in Germany. Everyone is okay. You were all very lucky. A few broken bones and some scrapes and bruises, but fine nonetheless. Let me go get the doctor so she can explain things a little better, alright?”

“Yeah, okay, thank you,” Dean relaxed a little. The nurse left the room for a few minutes, but came back with a red-headed woman wearing a kind smile.

“Dean, I’m Dr. Anna Milton. Nurse Hannah said you were awake, so I thought I should come fill you in on what’s going on. Do you think you’re up for it?” she explained in a gentle tone.

“Yes, ma’am. I’d like to know what happened.”

“During the explosion, I’ve been informed that your humvee flipped over. Since you were in the passenger seat, when it flipped the first time, you were hit on the head. You sustained a contusion, and there was some swelling on the brain. To help your brain heal, we put you into a medically-induced coma until the swelling subsided. In the last three days, you’ve made a huge improvement, so we decided to take you off of the medication and let you wake. The swelling is almost non-existent, and you’re going to make a full recovery. However, the rest of your body will be bruised and sore for the next couple of weeks, but you’ll heal with rest.”

“Where is everyone else?” Dean asked after a moment.

“They’re all in the hospital too. Sergeant Lafitte is the only one up and out of bed at the moment, though,” the doctor explained.

“How long was I out?”

“We had you in the coma for nine days. It’s been almost two weeks since the accident,” she informed.

Dean felt a rush of worry shoot down his spine. “Oh God. What about my brother and Cas, and the rest of my family? Has anyone told them where I am, that I’m alive and okay?! I made a promise, please tell me they know I’m okay!” Dean started to panic again. Nurse Hannah made her way over to his bedside, ready with a sedative if need be, but Dr. Milton waved her off.

“Dean, I need you to listen to me. I have been in contact with a man by the name of Bobby Singer.” At that, Dean started to calm down, but looked at her in confusion, so she continued. “You can thank Gabriel Novak. He’s an old friend from school, and we have a mutual friend at the DOD. When I heard about your friends and family looking for info, but being stuck behind some red tape, I gave them a call myself. I’ve been in contact with Bobby every day, updating him on your progress. Sam and Cas know you’re alive and okay.”

Dean heaved a sigh of relief. “Thank you,” he said with genuine sincerity.

“You’re very welcome. You can call them in a little while. Until then, you have someone who’s been waiting for you to wake up,” she said as she got up and made her way to the door. “I’ll be right back.” With that, she left Dean and Hannah in the room.

The nurse went back to checking Dean’s vitals and helping him sit up more comfortably.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to get worked up,” Dean whispered to her. “Thank you for not putting me out again.”

She just smiled down at him and said, “It’s completely understandable. You’re handling this much better than most in your situation would. You were able to calm yourself down.”

“My brother Sam, I’m all he has left really, and I don’t want to make him worry,” Dean replied.

A moment later, Dr. Milton walked back into the room, followed by Benny, who was walking on crutches, his right leg in a cast all the way up to his mid-thigh. He smiled at Dean as he made his way, slowly, over to the chair by Dean’s bed. When he sat down, he chuckled and said, “Glad to see you’re finally awake, kid. You gave us a helluva scare.”

“Man am I glad to see you sir. No one’s told me yet, but what happened to the civilians?” Dean asked.

“What’s the last thing you remember?” Benny asked.

“The explosion and then someone was yelling my name. I don’t remember anything after that.”

Benny leaned forward and placed a hand on Dean’s shoulder. “Dean, you pulled off a tremendous feat. After the humvee stopped rolling, you got out of the cabin. Most of us were still out of it, and my leg was pinned,” he paused and gestured to his broken leg then continued with recounting the events. “You pulled Dorothy and Garth out, pretty much at the same time then dragged Cole out after. Once Ash woke up, he started to help try to unpin my leg, while you went back for the civilians. After you realized everyone was safe, you made Ash leave and keep watch while you undid some of the screwed up metal that was preventing me from moving.” Benny paused to take a breath, then looked at Dean with what looked to him like gratitude, though he wasn’t completely sure. “Dean, you pulled me out thirty seconds before the engine blew up. The yelling you remember was Garth. He noticed that you got hit by the shockwave. Grabbed you before you face-planted,” Benny chuckled. Dean just absorbed all of the info Benny had given him. He looked at the doctor, who had been sitting by Dean’s bed quietly listening, in confusion.

“Why can’t I remember all of that?” he asked.

“That second blast is what knocked you out. Pair that with the previous head injury, and you are very lucky to be alive,” Dr. Milton explained.

Dean sighed and leaned back against the pillow that was propping him up. He couldn’t believe he’d pulled six people out of the truck, there was just no way.

Benny looked at Dean with a watchful eye then said, “You need your rest. But before I go, one of the reasons why I wanted to be here when you woke up was to inform you, given the tremendous act of bravery, you’ll be receiving the Bronze Star, the Purple Heart, and a ticket home, where you’ll recover surrounded by your friends and family.”

Dean was shocked. “Wow, I can’t even believe . . . just wow. Thank you, sir. I don’t know what to say.”

“You don’t have to say anything, just call home and give your family the good news. Oh, one more thing,” Benny went to pull a small paper out of his pocket and handed it to Dean. “I found this before we were airlifted and figured you’d want it back,” he said as he handed the item over to Dean.

It was the picture of Cas he kept with him at all times. He’d taken the photo one day while they were studying after school. He’d had it on himself that day in the park. He’d kept it with himself ever since. In spite of himself and trying to handle everything in stride, when he looked at the photo, he couldn’t hold back a few tears. He looked at Benny with a small smile and said, “Thank you for everything.”

Benny patted Dean on the arm and smiled as he stood up with the help of the doctor. “Sure thing, kid. Now, call your family then get some rest. That’s an order.”

“Yes, sir,” Dean returned as Benny left the room, followed by Dr. Milton.

Nurse Hannah, who had been checking Dean over during the exchange, asked, “Is there anything you need, or something I can get you?”

“Can I get a phone? I’d like to make a call home,” Dean asked.

“Sure thing.” She moved across the room to grab a phone and handed it over. “If you need anything else, just let me know. I’ll be just outside the door.” With that, she left him to make his call alone.

Dean took a moment to ready himself. He dialed Bobby’s number then hit the “send” button. Luckily, he didn’t have to wait long for the phone to pick up.

“Singer residence, this is Castiel.” Dean was shocked into silence. “Hello?” Cas asked.

“Cas? Is that really you?” Dean still couldn’t believe it.

“Dean?!”

“Yeah, Cas, it’s me. God, it’s good to hear your voice.”

“Dean, are you okay?” Cas sounded worried.

“Cas, I’m fine. Are Bobby and Sammy home?”

“Yeah, they’re here. I’ll go get them.”

“Thanks.” There was silence on the other line for a moment, and then a panicked voice.

“Dean, are you still there?!” It was his brother.

“Yeah, Sammy, I’m still here. Will you put me on speaker phone, please, and make sure Cas and Bobby are in to room too? I have something to tell you guys.”

“Sure Dean. You’re on speaker phone now, and everyone’s here.”

“Well, I guess I have some good news for you. The doc says there is little to no brain swelling anymore, and that I’m healing well. I spoke to Benny a little while ago, and here is where the really good news comes from,” Dean paused for dramatic effect, because come on, he’s still Dean.

“Well, what’s the good news boy?” Bobby’s gruff voice could be heard through the line.

Without any lead-up, Dean said, “I’m coming home.”

There was a beat of silence then three voices at once.

“Oh my God!”, “That’s fantastic news!”, and “I can’t believe it, he’s finally coming home.”

“Guys, guys, calm down. I’m not coming home today. The doc still needs to tell me when I’m okay enough to go home, and everything that I’ll need or have to do,” Dean tried to explain.

“But Dean, this is still good news. Even if you don’t come home for a few weeks, now we know that you’re okay, and that you’ll be home soon,” his brother tried to reason with him. It sounded like he was fighting back tears.

“And you’re finally awake, which is another good sign,” Cas supplied, also sounding like he was fighting his emotions.  
“I’ve been talking to the doctor, and she’s been keeping us updated. She promised to keep us in the loop until you were discharged,” Bobby added.

“So this is really good news, Dean,” Sam finished.

“I know, I’m just reminding you that it might be a little bit of time, so just be patient,” he paused. He smiled to himself before he continued, “But yeah, this is good. I’m coming home.”


	7. Homecoming

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long. I had a little bit of writer's block and was trying to figure out how I wanted this part to go. Not to worry, I'm already working on the next two chapters, so hopefully they'll be up soon. :)

One week after Dean called home with the good news, he was being dropped off at home by an army escort. He didn’t think he’d get to see it so soon after waking up in that hospital bed. The doctor told him that he’d have to do some physical therapy to make sure he healed properly. His arms were still sore. He also had mental exercises to do every day to keep up his cognitive functions. Dr. Milton said it was just a precaution, since he had been hit in the head a couple of times, even though he seemed fine. Dean didn’t have any problems with these terms, so long as he was able to do them from home.

He stood on the front porch looking up at his home for a moment. Before he could grab for the handle, the door flew open and his brother stood in the doorway with a shocked expression.

“Heya Sammy,” Dean said with a smile.

“Dean,” Sam replied as he pulled his brother in for a hug, relieved to have him home safe once again.

“Man, it’s good to see ya,” Dean said as he clung to his younger brother. He started to let go as he heard footsteps coming down the hallway and looked up to see Bobby standing a few feet behind Sam.

“Hi Bobby,” Dean said to him as he walked outside with the boys.

Bobby stood in front of Dean for a moment with the same shocked expression Sam wore minutes prior, before he pulled Dean into a hug. “Welcome home, son,” Bobby said as he pulled away.

“How are you feeling, Dean?” Sam asked.

“I’m good, Sam. A little sore in places, but I’m glad to finally be home.” Dean smiled at his little family before he realized he could smell something wonderful coming from inside the house. “You guys cooking dinner? I’m starving.”

Sam and Bobby smirked at each other, then Sam gestured for Dean to follow him into the house while Bobby moved Dean’s bags into the hallway just inside the door. Dean couldn’t tell exactly what was being made, but it smelled heavenly. When he walked into the kitchen, he realized why.

“Cas?” Dean stopped just inside the kitchen threshold, nearly causing Bobby to run into him. Castiel was standing with his back to Dean cooking something in a pan on the stove. It didn’t matter if he wasn’t facing him, Dean would recognize the unruly bed-head anywhere.

Cas finished whatever he was doing and turned to face Dean with a smile. “Hello Dean.”

Dean moved so fast, Cas was barely able to track it before Dean’s arms were wrapped around him in a powerful hug. Cas chuckled and hugged Dean back, resting his head on Dean’s shoulder.

“I can’t believe you’re here,” Dean said so quietly that Cas barely heard it. Sam cleared his throat from the kitchen table, and Dean reluctantly pulled away.

“He’s making us dinner, Dean, like he does every Friday night,” Sam piped in, staring at his open notebook on the table. Dean frowned a little at that, but Cas noticed and patted him on the shoulder with a smile.

He turned around to get back to cooking and said, “I’ve been making dinner for these two at least once a week since you left. I was originally just going to make something simple, but when I heard you were coming home today, rather than next week like we thought, I decided to change it up and make your favorite: Burgers and homemade fries.”

Dean leaned up against the counter next to the stove to watch Cas work. It felt like forever since the last time he’d had one of Castiel’s meals and the smell made his mouth water.

“Sam,” Cas said without looking up from the pan. “Why don’t you put your school stuff away and grab Bobby? Dinner will be done in a moment.”

Sam got up and cleaned off the table to move his books to the living room and tell Bobby dinner was ready. Dean stood with a smile on his face as he silently watched everyone work around him. It felt domestic and he was enjoying every moment of it.

“Can I help with anything, Cas?” Dean asked after Sam left the room.

“Sure, would you mind setting these on the table for me?” Cas asked as he handed Dean a couple of plates. Their hands brushed briefly as Dean took them from Cas, almost causing him to drop one, but he kept his cool. He and Cas had time now to figure things out. A near-death experience really made a person figure out their priorities, however, and Cas was definitely at the top of his right now. He needed and wanted to talk to his friend, he just wasn’t sure how to start. As he set the plates down and Sam walked back into the room, Bobby following close behind, he realized the discussion he wanted to have would have to wait.

They all sat down as Cas placed the last couple of plates on the table, and he asked, “How was school, Sam?”

“It was okay. I think some of the teachers are trying to cram as much into the next few weeks before finals. Oddly enough, it seems to make classes more interesting.”

“That’s good. At least you’ll never be bored,” Cas chuckled and then turned his attention to Bobby. “How was work?”

“Well, it was a little slow, so I was able to get a ton of paperwork done, and it needed to be done before next week,” he said, but then paused a moment. He looked between Dean and Cas then asked, “Did you talk to your brother about what we talked about the other night?”

Cas smiled and nodded in the affirmative. “Gabriel said he’d bring the stuff by later tonight. Are you still sure about it? I don’t want to be in the way—“

Sam cut off Cas with, “You won’t be in the way. And before you ask, yes, I’m cool with it. We could use the help, and neither Bobby nor myself can be home all day. But it’s ultimately up to Dean.”

Dean looked up at everyone with a fry halfway to his mouth. He’d only been partially paying attention, too busy enjoying the best meal he’d had in months. Everyone was staring at him, so he asked, “What’s up to me?”

Bobby went back to eating deciding this was best left to the three of them. Sam looked between Cas and Dean, waiting for Cas to explain. Dean locked eyes with Cas, who was chewing on his bottom lip, obviously nervous about whatever he wanted to say next. Dean asked, “Cas, what’s up to me?”

Cas let go of his lip, chuckled a little, and said, “I wanted it to be a surprise. We had the idea of me moving in with you guys, temporarily, until you got back on your feet, just to help out with different things, like taking you to physical therapy and stuff around the house. Bobby has a big project coming up, Sam has finals in a few weeks, and I’m not doing anything right now, so I offered to help. Is that okay with you?”

Dean didn’t even need to think about it. Having Cas around all the time would be perfect. He smiled and said, “Sure Cas, I think that’s a great idea.” Cas responded with a smile of his own.

“That settles it then. Castiel will live here for a while,” Bobby concluded.


	8. Man Up, Winchester

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long! I wanted to make sure I had the next chapter ready before I posted this one, so there wouldn't be as long a wait before it got updated.

Two weeks later, Cas and Dean were driving home from one of Dean’s appointments. It had gone well. He seemed to be getting a lot of the range of motion in his shoulders back, and his doctors were pleased to see that his head injuries hadn’t had any lasting effects. However, while he seemed to be doing better physically and mentally, he had started having nightmares.

The first night home, he had stayed up late talking with Bobby in the living room. Sam had gone to bed a couple hours after dinner, and Cas, after cleaning up, had gone upstairs to put some of his stuff that Gabriel had dropped off away in the guestroom.

They had been discussing what Dean would do with his time now that he was home. “I want to take some time off for a little while, get my bearings again. “

“You put any thought in what you wanna do? Go back to school, find a job, stuff like that?” Bobby asked from the other side of the couch.

“I don’t know actually. I was thinking about maybe taking some classes at the community college,” Dean replied. He paused for a moment before continuing, “But I was wondering if that offer to go back to the garage still stands?”

Bobby looked over at Dean with a small smile. “’Course boy. There’s always a place for you there. But I don’t wanna see you there until you get the all clear from your doctors, ya hear?”

Dean chuckled a bit before he nodded and replied with, “I think I can do that. Hey, I think I’m going to bed. It’s been a long day.”

“Sure thing, kid. See ya in the morning.” With that, Dean went to bed and fell asleep relatively quickly.

That was the first night he had a nightmare. He had woken up in a cold sweat and breathing heavily. He couldn’t remember what the dream was about. All he remembered was that there had been an explosion and a lot of screaming. He had been startled awake by a timid knock on his bedroom door and a quiet, “Dean?”

It was Cas.

He quietly opened the door and entered the room, taking in a wide-eyed Dean. “Is everything okay? I heard you making noise.”

“Yeah, Cas, I’m fine,” Dean replied rubbing his hands over his face. “Just had a bad dream is all. Go back to bed.”

“You don’t look fine,” Cas said in all of his no-nonsense sort of manner. He made his way further into the room, closing the door softly behind himself. He sat down at the foot of Dean’s bed and asked, “Do you want to talk about it?”

Dean didn’t look at Cas. Instead, he looked down at his hands resting on the comforter on his bed. He shook his head slightly and replied, “No, not really.” He thought about telling Cas to leave again. He didn’t want his friend to see him like this. But Cas being who he was, wanted to do something for Dean to help ease his pain in someway.

“Is there anything I can do?” Cas asked.

Dean slowly looked up from his hands. “Could you—,“ Dean paused, not sure if he should ask for help or not. At the sincere look he got from his friend, he looked back down at his hands and continued, “Could you stay in here with me for a little while?”

Cas smiled shyly and replied, “Sure Dean.”

He moved to sit at the head of the bed next to Dean, where they sat and talked about nothing in particular, from Bobby’s projects at the garage to how Sam was doing in school, never talking about Dean’s nightmare, until Dean fell asleep.

Dean woke up the next morning alone and a little disappointed. He hadn’t expected Cas to stay the night, but he had hoped a little. When everyone sat down for breakfast, no one asked Dean about his nightmare, and Cas didn’t bring up what had happened, which Dean was a little thankful for and a little confused by.

This happened several times over the course of the two weeks. Dean would have a nightmare and wake up sweating and panting, Cas would come talk with him until Dean fell asleep, and he would wake up alone and disappointed. They never talked about these nights, which in all honesty, confused Dean. He still had feelings for Cas, and he seemed to sleep better on the nights where Cas would come talk to him. But Dean had no idea how Cas felt, or if anything would ever change between them now that he was home for good. They still hadn’t had that one important conversation.

So while he seemed to be doing well physically and mentally, emotionally he wasn’t so sure about. He could admit to himself he was being a coward. He and Cas spent plenty of time together, but he could never seem to find the right words to tell Cas he wanted to pick up where they had left off in the park all those months ago. He needed to man-up, but he was afraid that Cas didn’t feel that way anymore. It was irrational, since he practically told Dean that he loved him in every letter he sent to Dean.

_Man up, Winchester, c’mon!_ Dean thought to himself as they drove home. “Hey Cas?” Dean said from the passenger seat, since he still hadn’t been cleared to drive yet.

“Yes Dean?”

“I was thinking—,” Dean paused.

“About what?” Cas asked after a moment had passed.

“I was thinking we should do pizza for dinner,” Dean finished. _Smooth, you dumb bastard,_ Dean thought to himself.

“I think I can do that,” Cas said as he pulled into the driveway.

That night, Cas helped Dean with his shoulder stretches after dinner like he did every night before Dean went to bed. “Ah, ah, ah, okay! I think that’s as far as my arm is going to go today,” Dean huffed out a small chuckle. He’d gotten distracted again, like he did every time Cas put his hands on him.

“I’m sorry!” Cas said as he let go of Dean’s arm. “Here, let me help relax it.” Anytime Dean overextended himself, even just a little, Cas would massage his shoulders to help loosen them up. So on occasion, Dean would push himself a little. Cas had magical fingers.

“Hey Cas, I don’t mean to sound like a dick, but can you do the rest of my back too, please?”

“Sure Dean. You’re not being a dick for asking,” Cas chuckled as he worked some of the knots out of Dean’s back. Dean let his head roll forward and sighed in relief when he felt some of the tension leave his shoulders. He let out a moan when Cas’ hands moved to his lower back, his fingers ghosting over the band of his pajama bottoms every now and again. Dean let his mind wander as he thought about what it would be like to let Cas’ hands wander to his chest and abs if he leaned back into the couch a little and maybe a little farther south—

Shit. Dean was getting hard with the mental image of Cas’ hands down the front of his pants. He needed to stop this now, go to bed, and cool his jets. He still hadn’t had the conversation he needed to have with Cas before he went down that road.

He reached behind him to grab one of Cas’ hands to stop his movements, and turned his upper body towards Cas, hoping Cas wasn’t able to see his erection. Cas let Dean maneuver the hand he held closer to Dean’s face, while his other hand rested on the back of the couch for stability. When Dean flipped his hand palm up, he looked at Cas as he pressed a gentle kiss to the soft skin.

“Dean?” Cas asked, confusion coloring his tone. Dean released Cas’ hand, stood up, and smiled at his friend.

“Thanks for the back rub, Cas. I’m headed to bed. Goodnight,” Dean said as he walked up the stairs to his room, leaving Cas confused in the living room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, the next chapter will pick up right where this one left off. This is why I wanted to have the next chapter ready to go up in a few days, so no one would be left hanging.


	9. Finally

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean finally pulls his head out of his ass.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so this is the chapter that the rating comes from. (:  
> I apologize in advance...This is the first time I've written smut, so I'm pretty sure it sucks. I've read so many great fanfics on this website that have much better scenes than this. I'm always looking for feedback, so if this was good, bad, or ugly, please let me know what I did well and what I can do to improve for future fics. Thank you!

Dean felt like a smooth son of a bitch as he walked up the stairs to his room. Sure there had been some confusion on Cas’ face, but Dean had seen something else flash in his eyes: Want.

The last couple of weeks with Cas being around had been harder than Dean anticipated. There had been times he had wanted to be sappy and romantic and tell Cas about his feelings, how much he missed him when he was away and how his letters kept him going. Other times, he wanted to lean across the table to kiss him, or wrap his arms around Cas from behind and suck a mark on to his neck, like he’d had the urge to do earlier while Cas was making dinner.

Bobby and Sam were away for the weekend for a school trip, so Cas had made a pizza for himself and Dean like Dean had asked on the way home. When he had walked into the kitchen to find Cas prepping ingredients at a counter, Dean had been hit with the urge to lean his whole front up against Cas’ back, wrap his arms around his waist, and leave a hickey on his neck. Dean had had to leave the room.

Now, as Dean laid in bed, still aroused from the back massage Cas had given him ten minutes ago, his imagination was running wild. He thought about going back downstairs and kissing Cas for real, like he hasn’t done since Cas dropped him off at the airport, but this time, there’d be nothing to stop them. He could press into Cas, run his hands through his hair and mess it up even more. He could back him up to a wall, grind up against him, and let Cas feel how hard he was, how much he wanted him, needed him. 

Images danced in Dean’s head and he could feel his cock straining against his pants. “Fuckin’ great,” Dean whispered to himself. He’d let his mind wander, and now he was too hard to sleep. Though he was hard, he couldn’t stop picturing what he wanted to do to Cas. He thought that he would pull Cas’ shirt off, then trap his hands above his head and leave a trail of kisses down his jaw and neck.

He palmed his cock through his boxers as he kicked off his pajama bottoms. He teased himself like that for a moment before he reached into his boxers and fisted his erection. “Cas!” he gasped out as he rocked into his hand. He set up a slow, steady pace running his hand up and down his shaft. A moment later, he heard a soft knock on his door, followed by, “Dean?”

“Oh!” Dean moaned out loud when he rocked up into his fist at the sound of Cas’ voice. He let out another “Cas!” not able to stay quiet.

“Dean, are you okay? I heard you calling my—oh,” Cas said as he walked into the room and saw Dean slowly rolling his hips into his hand.

At Cas’ startled entrance, Dean let go of himself and sat up on the bed. “Um,” was all that he could say.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to interrupt. I should—I should go,” Cas stammered, cheeks heating up in the dim light. He turned to leave, but was stopped with a hand on his shoulder.

“Cas wait,” Dean said a little panicked. “I didn’t mean for you to see that. I’m sorry, I’ve been trying not to push anything on you, because I didn’t know if you still had feelings for me, and then the back massage downstairs—,”

“Wait,” Cas interrupted. “You didn’t know if I still had feelings for you?” Cas took a step forward, anger tingeing his tone just slightly. “I told you when you left that I love you and have for as long as I can remember. I practically said it in every letter I wrote to you, and you didn’t know?!”

“I was afraid, since you hadn’t said anything—,” Dean started.

“I was waiting for you to say something, Dean! I’ve never stopped loving you! I was afraid something had changed after you left and you weren’t ready anymore, so I was waiting for you, like I said I would,” Cas explained.

That was all it took. This was essentially the conversation he thought they needed to have before anything went anywhere. Dean grabbed Cas’ face and crashed their lips together. It was messy with pent up anxiety and love. Both Dean and Cas had been afraid they’d never have this with the other. Cas placed his hands on Dean’s hips and pulled their bodies closer, until there was almost no space between them. Dean backed Cas up against the wall next to the door and pinned his hands above his head, like he imagined he’d do.

He broke the kiss and placed his forehead against Cas’. He needed to get this out before they continued. “I never stopped loving you either, Castiel. One of the few things that kept me going in that godforsaken desert was knowing you were here, waiting for me. I’ve been a coward to not say anything these last couple of weeks, but I’m saying it now. I love you and I want to be with you, for as long as you’ll have me.”

“Oh Dean, that’s all I want,” Cas replied then brought their lips together again. Dean deepened the kiss and their tongues explored one another. Cas moaned into Dean’s mouth, and Dean let go of Cas’ hands so they could feel each other.

Dean traced the hem of Cas’ shirt for a few moments before he was tugging it off of him, breaking the kiss only when necessary. He traced the planes of Cas’ skin while Cas’ hands wrapped around Dean’s middle to pull him closer. Dean broke the kiss for air but quickly attached his mouth to Cas’ neck, gently sucking along the pulse point. Cas moaned and moved his head to the side to allow for better access. When he got to the spot where neck and shoulder met and sucked a little mark there, Cas’ hips jerked forward and they both moaned at the wonderful friction it brought.

“Shit Cas, the things you do to me,” Dean said into Cas’ neck. He ran one hand down to Cas’ thigh and pulled it up over his hip, allowing the two for better friction, their erections grinding against each other slowly.

“Dean,” Cas moaned at a well-placed thrust. While this was fun and all, Dean realized he wasn’t going to be able to get them both off this way.

“Cas, fuck!” Dean gasped when the man he had pinned to the wall moved his hand to Dean’s boxers. “Cas, if you want to stop, now is the time to say something,” Dean panted out, surprised he could form a coherent thought.

Cas pulled Dean in closer with the leg he had wrapped around his hip and looked him in the eye as he said, “Don’t stop Dean.”

Dean growled out Cas’ name before he attached their lips together and was wrapping Cas’ other leg around his waist, spinning them and walking towards the bed, gently laying Cas down on his back, not breaking the kiss. They stayed like that for a moment, grinding against each other as they kissed, Cas’ legs still wrapped around Dean’s waist. Cas broke the kiss a moment later to shyly ask, “Do you have lube?”

Dean chuckled and said, “Nightstand, I’ve been prepared with it…just in case.” Cas smiled at him, placed a chaste kiss on his lips, and then let him up to grab the bottle from the drawer. Dean moved quickly to grab it and remove his boxers. When he turned around, Cas was gloriously naked, all tan skin and lithe muscle on display. Dean took a deep breath, and as he climbed up on the bed, Cas spread his legs to make room for him, and Dean asked, “How do you want to do this?”

“Just like this,” Cas replied, a blush creeping up to his face.

“Yeah,” Dean breathed out, trying to get his upstairs brain to work. “Yeah, I think we can do that.” He placed the bottle on the comforter beside them and leaned up to bring their mouths together, kissing Cas slowly and deeply. They moved together like this for a few moments, rocking their hips. The pressure was building, but it wasn’t enough.

Dean reluctantly leaned away from Cas to grab the bottle from the bed and pour lube on his hand. “You ready?” he asked as he leaned over Cas again, rubbing a lubed finger over his waiting entrance.

Cas nodded and rocked his hips up towards Dean’s hand. Dean leaned down to kiss Cas as he slowly slid a finger into him, rocking his hand in and out gently so Cas could get used to the feeling. When Cas started rocking his hips to match Dean’s movements, he slid a second finger in next to the first. Dean took it slow so as not to hurt Cas, but when the man below him moaned out “Dean,” he added another digit to stretch him, scissoring his fingers after a few moments.

Dean kept kissing Cas, trying to distract him from any discomfort, but Cas assured him he was okay. He broke the kiss when one of Dean’s fingers rubbed a spot that made his see stars. “Dean, I’m ready,” he panted out.

“Are you sure? I don’t want to hurt you.”

“Yes, you won’t hurt me.”

Dean grabbed the bottle of lube and poured more on his hand, rubbing it over his erection as Cas stared with lust-blown eyes. He spread his hips a little wider as Dean lined himself up with Cas’ entrance. He leaned over Cas as he slowly pushed himself in, stopping every few moments to let them both adjust. Once he was completely sheathed in Cas, he leaned down to bring their lips together again, waiting for the go-ahead. Cas gently rocked his hips toward Dean and said, “Dean, you can move.”

Dean leaned up a little placing his hands on either side of Cas’ head and slowly rocked his hips back, pulling almost all the way out before he thrust back in. When he did it again, Cas wrapped his legs around Dean’s waist, allowing him to go deeper.

They set a slow and steady rhythm. It was better than either of them could have imagined. Dean picked up the pace a little, the last few weeks of sexual frustration finally getting the better of him. Cas moaned at the slightly faster pace, his blunt nails scratching down Dean’s back as he gasped out “faster.”

Dean was only too happy to oblige. He picked up the pace again and rolled his hips each time he bottomed out. On a particularly well-placed thrust, Cas moaned out “Dean” as he arched his back.

“Fuck Cas, you look so beautiful this way. The things you do to me. Been waiting for this for months, ever since you said you love me,” Dean rambled.

“Me too Dean. Oh fuck, right there! I don’t think I’m going to last much longer,” Cas replied as Dean’s thrusts got a little harder. He could feel the pressure of his orgasm building. He wrapped his arms a little tighter around Dean when his prostate was repeatedly hit.

“It’s okay Cas, I’m right here,” Dean said. He could feel his own orgasm grow closer too, but he wanted to wait for Cas to tip over the edge first. He sped up a little more, feeling Cas’ arms and legs tighten around him as he said, “You can let go Cas. Come for me.”

With that, Cas tipped over the edge and felt his orgasm rip through him. Dean was quick to follow as Cas’ muscles clenched around him and Cas called out his name.

They stayed like that for a moment, trying to catch their breath. Dean slowly rolled off Cas to grab a cloth to clean them both before lying down next to him on the bed. He wrapped his arms around Cas, who snuggled into Dean’s side as he pulled the blankets up. They were both quiet for a moment before Dean broke the silence.

“Are you okay, Cas?”

Cas smiled and hummed in content before answering with, “Yes Dean, are you?”

“Better than okay,” he said quietly as he squeezed Cas a little closer.

Cas chuckled in response and placed a chaste kiss to the bottom of Dean’s jaw then said, “Sleep, we can talk more in the morning.”

“Wait, before I fall asleep, will you be here in the morning?” Dean asked, still remembering all the other nights he’d fallen asleep with him.

Cas looked up at him and said with a gentle smile, “Of course.”

“Okay then, goodnight Cas. I love you,” Dean said into Cas’ hair as he kissed the top of his head.

“Goodnight Dean, I love you too,” Cas quietly replied as he burrowed his face into Dean’s neck, placing a gentle kiss on his pulse. The pair drifted off to sleep shortly after that, wrapped up in each other the rest of the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to those that have been reading and sticking with this fic. I know I haven't been posting regularly, but this story is always at the forefront of my mind and I have many ideas about where this is going and where it will end, so please continue to stay tuned!


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